Three Months To Go!

Well, we officially entered the third trimester this week, and time is really moving quickly. We can feel the baby kicking (though Rachel feels it more than I do). I think it’s the baby’s way of reassuring us that he/she is ok. I’ve already started reading to the baby, too. Each night I’ve been reading a chapter from Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire and the baby really does seem to respond to the sound of my voice. It’s very exciting! I’ve also been working hard to get our apartment ready, clearing out the extra bedroom of all my crap. I still have 12 boxes of comic books I’ve got to unload (hard to believe nobody out there wants my old Malibu Universe titles).

Its also funny how many people ask you the same three questions when they learn you are expecting. 1) When is she due? (August 15). 2) Do you know the sex? (No, we decided to wait), and 3) Are you ready? This last one is much harder to answer. I mean, I think I’m ready. I have a great job, a good home, a loving wife, health insurance, etc. All the necessities are covered. But if they mean emotionally, mentally and psychologically am I ready, well, that’s a much deeper question. I’m not sure. I have a lot of demons to deal with, trying to stave off repeating the patterns that have plagued my family for generations, but I think I’m up to the task. At least I hope so. But I’m also a somewhat selfish person with a very full life as it is. I love writing, running, reading, watching TV (especially baseball), hanging out with friends, working at my temple, volunteering, etc. I barely have time for everything as it is. How will I feel when I have to set all of that aside (or most of it) and make room for a baby? Do I have the ability to give all of myself physically, spiritually and emotionally, all day, every day, for the next twenty years, to this child? I have my doubts. I struggle to even make time just to read books about childcare. The permanence of the change and the extreme demands on my time are going to be a real struggle, but this is my own personal struggle. I chose to have this baby and I will accept the responsibility. Nothing I have ever done in my life matters compared to this. I am committed, but I expect quite a bit of turbulence during the takeoff.