Wednesday, April 04, 2007

The Calm Before the Storm

The prospect of impending fatherhood seems to be slowly seeping in, though still I find the idea hard to grasp. It is such a fundamental change, such a permanent responsibility, it’s overwhelming to think about. At times I feel like a resident of New Orleans just before Katrina struck. I know a major storm is on the horizon, yet I can do nothing except proceed as normal, making small preparations and hoping for the best. At other times I am filled with so much anticipation, I can hardly contain it. There is a tiny little person on his/her way who has never heard a single song, or even a human voice, (other than perhaps mine and Rachel’s), has never watched a baseball game, read a comic, or tasted a single food item. When I think of all the stuff that I’ve done in my life, the millions of experiences, it is exhilarating to imagine helping a new person discover all of life’s many wonders. Yet, like many, I also fear that I will perpetuate my own parent’s worst habits, especially my father’s, but I know that this is not a foregone conclusion, only a strong tendency. I could go on and on, but right now, I am just content to take a brief moment to reflect. There are 4 months to go. The baby is due in August. I have no doubt they will fly by in a blur of nerves and anticipation and excitement and broad, pendulum mood swings.

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